Rejecting the school discipline blame game

Parents and teachers must get past finger-pointing

by Ron Whitehorne

Discipline is often a source of conflict between home and school.

School staff and parents want the same thing – a safe and orderly school that provides a positive environment for teaching and learning. But when student misbehavior occurs, teachers and parents aren't always on the same page.

Parents complain that their children are not treated fairly or that teacher shortcomings are the real problem. Teachers charge parents with failure to hold their children accountable or worse.

The resulting blame game undermines the development of the working partnership that schools need to be successful.

These divisions are not inevitable, but overcoming them requires a commitment to working hard on communicating and building trust. It means leaving our preconceptions at the door and approaching each case with a focus on overcoming problems rather than affixing blame.

Two sets of experiences have shaped my views on this issue. For a half dozen years, I took time out from teaching a full roster to serve as a disciplinarian at Julia de Burgos School, trying to mete out justice to 300 middle schoolers. Meanwhile, my son tested the patience of teachers and administrators at a long succession of schools, constantly suspended ... when he wasn't truant.

Communication is a big part of the battle. Teachers should establish a relationship with a parent before problems occur. When misbehavior does occur, the parent should be made aware of it promptly. This will frequently nip the problem in the bud. Even if it doesn't, the parent is at least aware of it if more serious incidents occur later.

Parents are often rightfully resentful when they find their child has been suspended for a pattern of behavior that they had not been made aware of. At the same time parents, having been made aware of a problem, need to respond to requests from teachers or administrators.

The quality of the communication is at least as important. Teachers and disciplinarians need to establish a constructive, non-judgmental tone. As a parent, I once attended a conference where the dean repeatedly lectured me about how outrageous “your child's behavior” is and how “you need to get him under control.” If she spoke to me this way – a middle-class, White male, savvy in the ways of the School District – I could imagine how she addressed less privileged parents. I knew my child's behavior was extreme and, if she had bothered to ask, I could have helped her to understand why and what we were doing about it.

It is important for educators to listen to parents. Parents can often provide important insights on how to address the problem if only encouraged to offer them. After all, they know their children better than anyone else.

Too often, stereotypes based on race and class get in the way of seeing parents as responsible partners in their children's education. “What can you expect of these people?” is still a refrain sometimes heard in the teachers' lounge.

It is also important to not respond defensively to criticism raised by parents. Sometimes our weaknesses as teachers do play a role in student misbehavior. Even if this is not the case, arguing about it detracts from trying to focus on solutions.